Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation

Why emotional regulation is important for the neurodivergent and how it can relate to trauma

Introduction

A topic that arises most often in the discussion of neurodivergence is the process of emotional regulation. Because the brain of a neurodivergent is wired a little differently, the ability to regulate, predict or even feel emotions can be more of a struggle than a neurotypical brain would be able to. This can often be attributed to trauma in the earlier stages of an individual’s life. Examples of trauma include severe accidents, abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), natural disasters, war, neglect, witnessing violence, sudden loss, and medical emergencies, all of which overwhelm a person's ability to cope and disrupt their sense of safety, impacting them emotionally and physically. Trauma can be a single event or prolonged, with lasting effects on development and well-being.

Why trauma impacts emotional regulation

Trauma disrupts emotional regulation by keeping the brain in a frequent state of high alert or chronic numbness (hyperarousal and hypoarousal). This means that often, for a neurodivergent person, emotions are all or nothing, leading to intense or volatile emotions, difficulty controlling impulses or long periods of inactivity. A word that is often thrown around a lot these days but is crucial in understanding emotional regulation is ‘triggers’ or being ‘triggered’. A trigger can be anything from a specific smell, a loud noise or even certain vocabulary words that cause a past trauma to resurface which can lead to an intense emotional response or complete dissociation. It is important to validate someone experiencing this, especially a child, as what might look like an ‘overreaction’ to most, is actually the nervous system interpreting a safe situation as a threat and causing the body to go into ‘fight or flight’ mode.

Traumatic events can weaken the prefrontal cortex (our regulation centre) and causes an overactive amygdala (our danger centre), leading to heightened fear, anxiety and impulsive reactions. Trauma can also impair the ability to identify and label emotions, making it hard to understand or manage internal states. This can be particularly difficult for those with an ASD diagnosis (Autism spectrum disorder), as these individuals often struggle with being able to identify emotions to begin with, so when you add trauma into the mix, it can create even more complex challenges.

How can I help?

Not one strategy works for everyone and often there is a lot of trial and error when finding strategies that help your child to regulate their emotions. On top of that, strategies that used to work can stop working so it’s about finding what works best but being able to adapt it if needed. 

Trauma informed therapy often sees high success rates, with the most popular being CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). CBT is a structured talking therapy that helps people manage problems by changing negative thought patterns and behaviours, focusing on current issues rather than the past.

Grounding techniques can prove to be particularly effective for the neurodiverse as it involves using physical senses to help stay present during overwhelming emotions. These can include breathing exercises, fidgeting (stimming), touching objects or listening to music. As it can be difficult for your child to identify their emotions, it can be useful to start by asking them where they feel these emotions. For example, if they are really angry, they may have sore shoulders from tensing them so much or an aching jaw from clenching their teeth. If they can identify these physical sensations, you can start by relaxing those areas before moving onto identifying these feelings. It is much easier to be retrospective with a clear mind and a relaxed body.

Mindfulness can see varying degrees of success as well as it helps your child observe their emotions without reacting immediately and impulsively. Sometimes it may feel as though you are teaching your child to feel emotions, which can be a bizarre concept given most of us growing up were expected to just have and deal with emotions on our own. However, a neurodivergent brain will have a harder time doing this so any way you can help your child is setting them up to have more insight into their own brain and body and ultimately setting them up for a better future.

Recovery involves relearning how to safely experience and manage emotions, moving from a state of constant survival to one of stability.

Author- Charlie Hurdley